At this point, I feel like New Zealand knows more about me than vice versa. Following my 1News interview that aired on January 6, I recently gave an interview for Radio New Zealand telling my story – horrific and heroic. A story that I can better see the scale of its adversity now that I have a more normal life to compare it with. Now I am a fish outside of water looking back and see an abyss with a big hunting face that had me imprisoned for nearly a decade.
I once wrote, “A prisoner cannot seek freedom unless he finds himself a prisoner.” I wrote it to myself in attempt to keep myself awake in the face of a prolonged abnormal life that demanded nothing but acceptance. It felt like a chronic pain that never went away and wouldn’t likely go away—you have to live with it. Its difference to a chronic pain was that it wasn’t part of our lives but it was our lives – an absolute limbo that tied to rocks we couldn’t reach.
I knew the danger of settling down. That’s when you become complicit in the formation of your adversity. I used to excruciating myself over a happy moment or happy day when I didn’t feel like a refugee in Indonesia. I saw it as one of the few things that prolonged the limbo I was in.
You might ask what I did to deter myself from a happy moment or distraction. I often wrote about my experience. It gave me the tool to see my life on the page – walking – whining – suffering – at the same time fighting. That’s how I stayed awake.
Kathryn Ryan and Ella from Radio New Zealand did a great job keeping the interview around my education and writing. The two things that had kept me alive and led to my freedom from that limbo.
RNZ Interview Link
1News Interview Link
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I love your comment, Hussain: "I feel like New Zealand knows more about me than vice versa." It's quite a feat to have featured both on national television and national radio within your first two months here! The balance will shift soon enough -- you're getting to know more about your new home every day -- but I expect that people here will remain interested in your story for a long time to come, all the more so as you move forward with your education and goals.